would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
