moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
