How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
