You smell like stripper and shame
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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