no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
