you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
