Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
