watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
