look no pants
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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