Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
