When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
