I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
