Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
