I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need to calm my uterus...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
