I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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