his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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