I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
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