Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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