You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
