Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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