Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
White coat. Heels.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
