Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
