have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
