why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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