Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
