he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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