Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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