Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
