maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
