i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
