Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
