she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
