He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
