1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
