Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
