I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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