the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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