So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
