Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
