She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
