just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
