I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
