He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
