i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
