Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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