come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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