I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
