I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
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If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
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For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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