She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
