people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
