No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
