I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
