stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
