if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
