The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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