well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
