I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
