you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
