Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
