THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
