i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
