Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
