Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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