I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I think im going to throw up on grandma
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
