By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
