I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
