it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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