Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
