You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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