this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
