thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
