my vag is so smooth its legendary
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Your cock deserves a montage
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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