I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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