May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
