also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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