dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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