So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
